I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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