okay pat passed out under dana's car
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
