actually, I'm a sock model
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
