You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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