can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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