Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
