I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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