We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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