He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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