It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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