that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
