Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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