i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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