I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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