Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
