good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
