dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
