dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
