used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
