Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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