Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
