i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize