I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
