I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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