she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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