He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I checked into jail on foursquare
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
