the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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