oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
