you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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