he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
