hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
