he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
