there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
