OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
