there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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