So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
