you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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