Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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