I just saw a hot homeless man
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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