She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
