I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
