I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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