I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
