You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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