every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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