Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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