I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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