is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
