I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
