Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
