just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you had me at cake vodka
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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