I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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