They should really pass out barf bags in church
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
