the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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