Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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