I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
