so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
