So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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