Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
there's paper in my vomit.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
