Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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