we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
