The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize