I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
