There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
