He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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