Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
