it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
