Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
