You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
