Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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