You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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