Are we in a gay sports bar?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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